Weasley's Top Twenty Tips to Survive Hogwarts
by Pickle-c.o
Summary: Based off of The Big No Nos of Hogwarts. Paige White is a new, not only to Hogwarts but the whole Wizarding World. Luckily our favourite Weasley Twins have a solution. A handy list of tips for Paige to faithfully follow. Naturally chaos ensues. RxR


_A/N Hey guys, I'm back with a new/old idea. This story is based off of The Big No Nos of Hogwarts. This isn't my best work but it's__ all in the name of fun. I know it's short (most of my stuff is) but this is just an intro of what is yet to come._

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**Chapter 1: The List**

"White, Paige," Professor McGonagall called.

Taking a deep breath I stepped forward and sat down on the stool. Before I could even get nervous, Professor McGonagll dropped the hat on my head, submerging me into darkness. This wasn't so bad, I don't know what everyone was scared about. Patiently I sat there and awaited for the hat to call out my house.

"_Well aren't you bold," _a voice whispered in my ear.

Of course I jumped in my seat.

"_Now, now, you don't need to be afraid." _The voice assured. _"I am the shorting hat."_

I sighed in relief. That was good, for a moment I though I was hearing voices.

"_Well I already know where you should go.. _GRYFFINODOR!" it yelled out loud.

Happily I stood up and skipped down to the table of people wearing red and gold yellow clothing. Since I was the last one to e sorted it was kind of hard to find a seat, but luckily for me I spotted one next to another first year. I think his name was Logan. Once I was seated a very old man stood up from his seat in at the teacher's table and began to speak. He wore a pointy hat with half moon spectacles. He had long grey hair and a beard that almost touched the floor. I was in shock. Leaning over to Logan I whispered,

"IS that man Gandalf"

Someone across the table snorted.

"Who?" Logan asked.

"You know Gandalf, from Lord of the Rings," I explained.

"Lord of what rings now?" The poor guy looked so confused.

"No he is _not _Gandalf, that man there is the Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore," the girl across from us explained.

"Really? He just looks so much like him," I stated.

Looking at the girl in front of me she seemed to be around the age of thirteen, which would make her a third year. She had long bushy brown hair and brown eyes. Pined to her uniform was a golden badge with the letter P painted on it. So she was one of the prefects.

"I know. By the way my name is Hermione," she said holding out her hand.

"Paige," I said, shaking it.

"I'm Logan," the boy beside me chirped in.

"So you must be muggle-born since you know about the Lord of the Rings," she concluded.

"Yeah, I am."

"Don't worry, it's not that bad. Both my parents are muggles and I'm the top of my class," she said cheerfully.

"Bat's ony cause you stuby Twenty bore seven 'Mione," the red haired boy next to her interjected, with his mouth overflowing with food.

"Swallow first Ron, then speak," Hermione scolded.

He swallowed. "I said, that's only because you study twenty-four seven 'Mione."

"Well it pays off doesn't it?" she argued.

"Yeah, 'cept now you're such a bore," he mumbled.

"What was that?" she demanded, her left eye twitching a little.

Not wanting to witness a fight, I stood up and slunk off farther down the bench. I ended up sitting across from a pair of very tall fifth years. They both had bright red hair and chocolate brown eyes, just like that Ron guy. They were both looking down the table at Hermione and what I assumed to be their brother getting into a heated argument. When they saw that Hermione's face was turning red they began to laugh.

"Ah, rule number one of all Gryffindors never sit near Ron and Hermione at meal time," the one on the left stated.

"Unless you're Harry of course," the other added.

"True, very true," the left one agreed.

"You picked a very bad spot didn't you kiddo?" the right one asked, looking at me.

"Yeah I guess so," I murmured.

The one on the left sighed, "Shame there isn't a rule book of sorts that could help first year muggle borns like yourself."

"Yeah it is a shame," I agreed, and then thought of what he said. "Wait how did you know I was muggle born?"

"Well it's obvious, especially-" the left one said, lets call him Merry.

"Since you didn't freak out that you're in the same house as Harry Potter," the other finished, and where there's Merry there's Pippin.

"Who?" I wondered.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk-" Merry scolded.

"Harry's only the most famous student here at Hogwarts-"

"He's "The-Boy-Who-Lived."

"Oh! The one who survived the attack of Voldimor-" I began but was rudely interrupted by Merry covering my mouth.

"Yes, yes, Harry did survived the attack of He-Who-Should-Not-be-Named."

"See this is why you need Weasley's Top Twenty Tips to Survive Hogwarts," Pippin said holding up a rolled up piece of parchment.

"For a fee of only five sickles," Merry said, uncovering my mouth.

"You'll never be accepted as a true witch until you do everything on this list," Pippin added.

"I don't know," I murmured.

"Oh well we tired George," Pippin sighed, beginning to put the parchment away.

"Shame and we only wanted to help," Merry agreed.

"Wait," I practically yelled. "I'll take it."

"Excellent," Pippin cheered, taking my money and handing me the parchment.

It read,

_**Weasley's Top Twenty Tips to Survive Hogwarts**_

_1)When eating Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans but all of them in at once for best results_

_2)Follow you potion instruction backwards for maximum results _

_3)Give Peeves a paintball gun_

_4)Use the Silencing charm on Professor Flitwick to demonstrate your advance skills_

_5)When Professor McGonagall is uptight tell her she takes her life too seriously_

_6)Throw Mr. Flitch's cat, Mrs. Noris, at the Whomping Willow for extra house points_

_7)Bring a magic eight ball to Divination class of bonus marks (the professor will love it)_

_8)When a classmate is asleep paint the dark mark on their arm. (which looks like this)_

_9)Charm a bottle of shampoo to follow Professor Snape around (he will be thankful for the reminder)_

_10)Put a snitch in Draco Malfoy's pant (he likes the feeling)_

_11)To earn extra money lock Slytherins and Gryffindors in the sme room and take bets who will come out alive_

_12)Call the Ghostbusters _

_13)Give the dog on the third floor named Fluffy a belly rub_

_14)A great game is throwing books though Moaning Myrtle, (10 points for torso, 25 for arms and legs, and 50 for the head)_

_15)Befriend the Whomping Willow_

_16)Professor Snape loves hugs_

_17)Kick Draco Malfoy in the butt for good luck on tests_

_18)Before every statement in Divinations use the term "According to the prophecy"_

_19)When out of bludgers use house elves_

_20)Put fake snake in Ron Weasley bed_

"Are you sure this is right?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Absolutely," the twins said in unison.

"Well, if you say so," I murmured, putting the parchment away.

This school was weird.

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_A/N Well ther you go the first chapter. Like I said it will get better. Don't forget to review._


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